by the quiet waters

Protected: Give me the boldness of heart, Lord.

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Protected: “你要保守你的心,胜过保守一切,因为一生的果效是由心发出。”

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Protected: Still trying to make sense

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Protected: Sad. Confused. Trying to make sense of things.

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My prayer

May my heart and soul be refreshed and renewed.

May my eyes, ears and heart be opened to You.

May I encounter You truly, deeply, in a new way.

May You give me fresh revelation.

May You bring to me divine encounters

Keep my heart close to You and right before You.

Amen.

Protected: God opened the way. | Love even when I don’t feel like it.

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Reflection

Dropping a ball does not mean that I am incapable or irresponsible.

Why do I feel like i have to hold on to all the balls?

Why am I feeling this way?

Self care is important

Protected: Frustrated. Tired. Angry. Sad.

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13 June 2018, around 2.30am.

Early this morning, my very dear friend C. has temporarily bade farewell to her father as he returned home to God.

It was heart wrenching to see her having go through this pain of losing a dearly loved one – trying to maintain her composure at times, holding back her tears, forcing a smile on her face… yet when I called out her name when I saw her – the crumpling of her face, the tears that flow down her cheeks from her swollen eyes and that sound of her cry, a cry that I’ve not heard from her before… that completely broke my heart.

And Aunty… my heart aches for her so much as she cried. That hollow look in her eyes and the slow shifting of her feet as she went to her bedroom to take Uncle’s clothes and other belongings to hand them over to the casket company so that they can dress Uncle for his funeral. The lost look on her face, wondering what to do now that she no longer has her dearly beloved husband by her side.

When we were at the mortuary, I saw uncle. He looked like he was simply sleeping peacefully. It was hard to believe that he is no longer there. It felt as if he would wake up again at anytime. That thought honestly crossed my mind when I saw uncle – that he was simply asleep.

I’m still processing all these feelings and thoughts that are floating around in my head. At times my heart aches so much, at times detached from this. If I were to feel this way, I can only imagine that C’s and Aunty’s emotions at this point in time are a hundred or a thousand times worse than mine.

Death. We all know that it would happen one day, yet when it does, it still always throw pple off the track and straight into a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions.

Yet I know that somewhere in the back of their minds at this point in time, C and her family knows that this is only a temporarily goodbye, that they will see Uncle again. That Death has no hold over them, because Christ has overcomed Death.

Their hope is firmly anchored in Christ.

Ahhhhhhh I’m going to go crazy sooonnnnnnnnnnn